Susan, a fair maiden, frolicked through a fairy tale life of reckless abandon in search of a suitor worthy of her affections. She was a discriminating maiden not easily swayed by a rogue in gentleman's clothing. Many a worthy suitor had run screaming into the night from the sting of her rapier wit!
Following a lifetime of searching for a maiden he could devote his heart to, Alex, a man of gentle temperament and great wisdom, happened upon fair Susan in the kingdom of the Central Coast. He was smitten with the lust and love that only a man of grand valor can control. He set his sights on fair Susan and began his quest of the heart.
Their courtship was a dance propelled by the music of chance (and a fair amount of Metallica). When the last Sandman had dashed off to never never land, they found that they could not resist each other charms. They were entranced by the beating of each other's hearts and the sound of Alex's Nova turning over. Before long, they had chosen the kingdom they would rule together: Sacramento. After all, it was the home of The Kings!
This brings us to the crux of this story. Fair Susan had given promise that she would award young Alex her delicate hand in holy matrimony, but there was a single important proviso. She required her suitor to ask for her blemish-free hand in a unique and romantic fashion. "I doth not require that thou asketh me at half-time at a King's game of sport," she taunted young Alex, "but the entreaty must be memorable" (or words to that effect).
Alex, a man of much wisdom and humor decided to turn her admonition on its ear and pursue the King's management for an opportunity to do just as fair Susan had jested. The gods of romance and delight (in cooperation with the National Basketball Association) smiled upon this couple of destiny. Permission was granted young Alex and a date for the nuptial entreaty was set: Tuesday, December twelfth in the year of our lord nineteen hundred and ninety-five. Their destiny had been etched in the stone of good fortune. Only a day prior to the impending proposal, Linda let Jeff in on the joyous news. His heart fluttered with the joy of a man not constrained by the restrictions of modern civility. His soul leapt about the cosmos in a manner befitting a man who'd just enjoyed a can of Dennison's Jalapeno Chili!
But alas, Linda warned, just as the revolution would not be televised, neither would this contest of skill (the network knew that the Rockets were gonna kick the Kings' ass)! Jeff would be robbed the chance to bear witness to this drama of courtship at its just end! "Woe is me!" cried handsome Jeff (or words to that effect), "This occasion holds too much importance for me to not be there!"
Jeff's dilemma was this: Should he miss a day of work and drive six hours there and six hours back? "This journey could be fraught with danger," he thought to himself. Then he asked himself a question: "What the hell does 'fraught' mean?" After careful consideration and a weighing of the variables of such a trek, virile Jeff made a decision that would change history: He would call in sick and throw caution to the wind. In that glorious moment, he became a journeyman unconcerned with the trifles of his workaday existence. After all, this was a once-in-a-lifetime event. His Nissan Sentra XE beckoned him. Noble Jeff would answer the distant call of love!
The next day, benevolent Jeff trekked along the Golden State Freeway with the zeal of the three wise men following that great star of long ago. As he neared the village of Sacramento, his heart began to swell with anticipation. At long last, his sister would be betrothed to a man worthy of his blessing.
On the outskirts of the city of Kings, honorable Jeff pulled into a gas station and inquired as to the location of the venue where love was to soon reign supreme (along with the Houston Rockets). The reply was like a beacon of light in the vast darkness of uncertainty. "Arco Arena," spoke the man with the nose ring, "Just get back on the freeway and you'll see it."
Regal Jeff put the pedal to the metal and zoomed along toward his fate. In a short time, he noticed a bright light, then suddenly it was before him; the Arco Arena was in his sights. He merged to the right and exited the freeway which had nurtured his journey. In a few brief moments he would join the stripe of chariots which lined up to enter this parking lot of dreams. He would have to wait to enter for awhile for there was a great multitude of patrons hungering for N.B.A. action.
As kind Jeff approached the gate where only five dollars would buy him a piece of ground for the night, he saw a sign which made his heart sink: Game Sold Out - No Tickets Available. The words struck like a dagger to the pelvis; like a whip upon a naked rump; like having to have Bob Mainer for a teacher. Though the odds were not in his favor, valiant Jeff forged ahead, sacrificing his five tributes to our first president and finding a space for his tired Nissan Sentra XE.
Hoping for scalpers, gallant Jeff approached the north entrance to the arena. Much to his chagrin, there were none to be found. Brave Jeff went around toward the west entrance and noticed a few 'will-call' windows. Several people milled about near these windows. "Surely a scalper must be here," thought intrepid Jeff to himself. No sooner had he formed this thought than he saw, directly in front of him, perhaps thirty feet away, a sight which both elated and terrified him. Fair Susan and young Alex were headed directly toward him!
"Oh darn!" exclaimed stalwart Jeff (or words to that effect). He spun around and retreated toward the parking lot, thanking the gods that fair Susan and young Alex had been examining their tickets and that the surprise was not ruined. After lurking among Detroit and Japan's finest, hardy Jeff again approached the west entrance where he spotted a man who seemed to be out of place (perhaps a scalper). As he approached the man, hopeful Jeff was met with the question, "Any extra tickets?" A scalper he was not!
Eventually, eager Jeff spotted a scalper and began to approach him. So did a host of other ticket-seekers. A transaction took place. A ticket was bought. An undercover cop jumped from the shadows and nixed this microcosm of capitalism with cool temper and strong will. This was not a good sign.
As the first quarter got underway, valorous Jeff returned to the will-call area and hoped for a miracle. Again, the gods were smiling upon him as he spotted a lone scalper surrounded by potential patrons. He had one ticket but everyone sought two. "I'll take it," exclaimed hearty Jeff. The scalper demanded twenty dollars for the fourteen dollar and fifty-cent ticket. Despite cautious Jeff's warnings that the fuzz was in da house, the scandalous scalper required immediate payment. Reluctant Jeff slipped him the twenty and the ticket was handed over. "Victory at last," thought vigilant Jeff until the cop slammed his hand down on surprised Jeff's shoulder.
"You wanna go to jail," inquired this officer of peace. Answering in the negative, the attempted capitalists de-transacted and retreated in defeat. Undaunted Jeff followed the scalper and his fair maiden toward the west entrance and when safely out of the police officer's gaze, suggested that the scalper give him the ticket now and accept payment inside the arena. The scalper handed clever Jeff the ticket and suggested that he simply 'drop' the twenty 'accidentally' while walking toward the entrance. Smart Jeff agreed and released the currency to the earth where the scalper could reclaim it.
As sly Jeff approached the entrance, his heart swelled with anticipation. He was about to bear witness to an event which would be reflected on by fair Susan and young Alex for the length of their lifetimes. The ticket was torn and victorious Jeff crossed the threshold of destiny.
Immediately, dashing Jeff headed for the first staircase he could see. As his foot hit the bottom stair he heard, "Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get married..." Gripped with fear that he would miss the momentous event, he sprinted up the staircase. When he reached the top, he could see fair Susan and young Alex embracing on the scoreboard screen which beamed their happy moment to thousands of cheering fans. His quest was complete. He'd been there to mark the moment. Triumph was at hand. This moment, perhaps captured on video, perhaps recorded with a still camera, would be forever etched on his mind as it would be on the minds of Susan and Alex.
Jeff could not find his sister nor her suitor in the madness that reigns in the land of professional basketball, so he slipped back into his Nissan Sentra XE and began the long trek back to the land of O.J., content that one day his story would be told and the memory would last longer than any videotape or still photograph.
The Kings may have lost, but Susan and Alex were winners.
nce upon a time there was a pair of dreamers in love with the world and each other. They lived in far away lands of enchantment and wonder where dreams can come true and lives can flourish. Their names were Susan and Alex.
here is a character not yet written about that enters into our story. His name was Jeff (a common name indeed, but an uncommon man to be sure). As the brother of fair Susan and the soon-to-be brother in law of young Alex, he was entitled to be informed of this momentous occasion about to be celebrated. This task fell to fair Susan's matriarch Linda, a woman of infinite wisdom and grace (and she makes a hell of a lasagna).
